Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Why the Town Fathers Won't Allow a Holiday Inn in Greenwich

Your scribe has a number of favorite blogs he enjoys visiting, and on one of them he found the following, which he hastens to share with his readership:


Guess what, Holiday Inn offers 24 hour service 7 days a week around the clock!!!!!

How is that compared to Nursing Homes rip off??????

No nursing home for us. We are checking into the Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old & feeble. We have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long term stay discount, plus senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for: Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. They treat you like a customer, not a patient.

There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.
TV broken?
Light bulbs need changing?
Need a mattress replaced?
No problem!
They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grand kids can use the pool.

What more can you ask for?

What more, indeed? Sounds like a great idea to your scribe! Unfortunately, there is no Holiday Inn in Greenwich, nor is there likely ever to be one. Why?

Well, just think, dear reader: all those retirees would jam the place and use the local address to get beach cards, vote in Town elections, and perhaps even run for the RTM! Or perhaps some political wannabe will get all his retired friends to move here and vote him in as First Selectman, or State congressperson, or even run against Chris Shays for Congress. Heaven forfend!

No, gentle reader, you may be quite sure that the Town Fathers will never allow a Holiday Inn here in Greenwich. The would-be interlopers will have to make do with Stamford or Mount Kisco instead, which are the only HI's in our immediate vicinity. Whew! Another crisis averted in Town!


Blogger Malicious Intent said...

Spread the word! The government has been trying to hold us back and this retirement plan will free many of our brothers and sisters from the slavery of SSI!

February 20, 2008 4:43 PM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Actually, MI, I plan to spend my SSI at the Holiday Inn! :-)

To give credit where due: I first found this post on Vicki's blog, who pointed me in the direction of MI's blog, who got this from her father-in-law, who is constantly sharing the flotsam and jetsam of the Internet with her. Thanks, one and all!

February 21, 2008 12:33 PM  
Blogger Vicki said...

Don't you love MI's blog! Hmmmmm...since MI and Erica are both planning WD then I think we'll have to ask for HI in your town. heehee.

February 21, 2008 1:28 PM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

In fact, I think we should make Greenwich the world capital after E and MI achieve their goals. Lovely beaches, wonderful woods, two Town-owned islands, and mansions galore. But yes, we'll probably need an HI to accomodate all the suppliants who come to lay their petitions at the imperial feet!

February 21, 2008 1:50 PM  
Blogger Erica Ridley said...

No nursing home for us. We are checking into the Holiday Inn!


February 27, 2008 7:18 AM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Hi, E!

Perhaps when you achieve world domination you can fix Social Scurity and Medicare by just making paid reservations for everyone at the local Holiday Inn! Throw in a couple of resident doctors and cross-train the housekeeping staff with some EMT courses, and you have a surefire way to guarantee the geriatric vote! :-)

February 27, 2008 9:37 AM  

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