Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Crime in Greenwich (Cont'd)

Today's Local Rag, aka the Yellowwich Time, has a story about the latest Federal grand jury indictment of a local resident. Seems as though this is becoming almost a weekly occurrence in these parts, which given the long-standing tradition of corruption and malfeasance in Town should surprise no one. Boss Tweed was one of the more notorious malfeasors, but hey - he came here for a reason, right? He knew he would fit right in, and so he did.

One doubts, however, that David Stockman came here to fit into that tradition. Au contraire, your scribe remembers well how when he and Jennifer came to Town they were quite certain that they would quickly become the social lions of the area. After all, they were used to the Washington, DC scene, where all kinds of carpetbaggers and rapscallions are listed in the Green Book simply by virtue of holding an elected or appointed office. And then they all hold self-congratulatory parties for each other, basking in their mutual admiration of their social prowess.

Well, had he been asked, your scribe could have told David and Jennifer that the Green Book cuts no mustard around here. Instead, we generally refer to "The Book", also known as The New York Social Register. When someone asks, "Are you in the book?", they're not asking if you have a listed telephone number. But it is a fact that people who are in "The Book" do tend to use it as a telephone directory, since many if not most of them have otherwise-unlisted numbers.

Some readers may recall the "Social Register Bandit", who made a comfortable income out of casing and robbing the homes of Greenwich residents listed therein. This chap showed commendable initiative, preferring to target only the upper-crust abodes, leaving the arrivistes and middle classes to others. Your scribe is not entirely positive, but he seems to recall that this enterprising gentleman (which he surely must have been, since he knew how to interpret the arcane rubrics of "The Book") was never caught, unlike his hapless counterpart, the "Dinnertime Bandit". The latter used to help himself to the upstairs goodies while the family were seated downstairs at the dinner table; he was finally caught last December - not, of course, by the feckless Greenwich Gestapo, but by the cops in Antwerp, Belgium.

But we have wandered from our theme, which was the inability of David and Jennifer Stockman to get onto the "A" lists of Greenwich. At first surprised, their astonishment soon turned to chagrin. But they kept at it, and worked at the problem in the usual Greenwich way: they threw money at it.

For many, this only made the Stockmans even more non-U. But after enough political and charitable contributions, they managed to make it into "B" list territory. Comes now the word that David is the latest resident to come out on the wrong end of a grand jury indictment. He has been charged - and let us all remember that it is only an allegation, unless and until proven otherwise - with "lies, tricks, and fraud" while acting as CEO of now-bankrupt Collins & Aikman Corporation. Four other erstwhile company employees have already entered guilty pleas; Stockman himself is free on bail of a million dollars.

Well, Stockman has been in hot water before. Many readers no doubt remember the famous "trip to the woodshed", when President Reagan castigated him for disloyalty while serving as budget director. Just to prove Reagan right, he wrote a tell-all book about the administration once he was no longer part of it.

And then he moved to Greenwich...once again validating your scribe's observation that this is the safest place to commit murder or other assorted felonies in the whole country. Not that we will know for sure whether he has or not for some time to come, nor should we deny him the presumption of innocence, but the astute reader will note that as usual it was the Feds, not the locals, who uncovered the mess. And so it goes....


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