Friday, March 28, 2008

Announcing AutoBlogger!!

Thanks to Julie at Virtual Voyage we have a whole host of handy new tools to help us in our daily blogwork. Your scribe has shamelessly cut and pasted her text, but was unable to capture the full-color version found at her blog. Click on the link below to learn more:

Blogging of the Future....?

"THANKS TO amazing advances in technology, AUTOBLOGGER.con are pleased to announce a totally FREE automated service for every harassed blogger! Forget about finding time for all those minor inconveniences like work or walking the dog!! No more 'bloggers block' when writing posts!!

Try our FULLY-FEATURED AUTOBLOG programme for a free five-second download and you will be sensationally impressed!!! Or immediately UPGRADE to SUPERBLOGGER DELUXE for a mere 500$ (or 99 quid this side of the pond off the back of a lorry.) (Strongly recommended).

UNBELIEVABLE features of SUPERBLOGGER DELUXE include:-AUTO-POST Offers a massive selection of computer generated posts.We currently have three extremely popular choices available.

TYPE 1 - RANT
Select one of the following -
WEATHER
TRAFFIC
BOSS
BLOGGER
OTHER - (Please specify at length.)

TYPE 2 - PHOTO-POST
Select one of the following -
ANIMAL
VEGETABLE
MINERAL
None of the Above.

TYPE 3 - POETRY POST
Select one of the following -
RHYMING
NON-RHYMING
None of the Above.

WE HAVE JUST ADDED AN INCREDIBLE NEW FEATURE TO AUTOBLOGGER FOR AN ADDITIONAL $100 bucks you can now access our DELUXE AUTO MEMOIR function.

Using advanced computerized technology, access our massive online journal database, and we will automatically synthesize MEMOIR posts for you. These can build into an amazing speculative lifehistory of totally unbelievable posts!Ranging from "I ate my goldfish on Everest" to "I was buried alive under a ton of treacle pudding" we can generate indefinite pre-arranged top quality auto-memoir posts for YOUR blog without any effort at all!!! Just leave the blogging to us, and be amazed at the results!!!

All posts are randomized to be totally unique and completely unrepeatable, and as a special incentive,we can add a reliably concocted Peerage to impress your family and other bloggers!

FINALLY - NOT TO BE MISSED!!AUTO - COMMENT FUNCTION - for those days when you just can't evade taking out the trash....SELECT ONE OF THE FOLLOWING COMMENT TYPES, AND AUTO-COMMENT WILL AUTOMATICALLY GENERATE THE REST FOR YOU!!!

EXCELLENT!!!!!
SUPERB!!!!!
UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!
And for those very rare occasions,
WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH!!!!!

(We can provide full authenticated testimonials from many satisfied bloggers whose profiles are now inexplicably unavailable. All transactions can be instantly carried out through PAYMAV - Pinch all your money and vanish.)AUTOBLOGGER.con THANK YOU IN ADVANCE for your generous custom,....and always remember, NEVER read the small print.

20 Comments:

Blogger Julie at Virtual Voyage said...

How did i know that was going to happen....rofl??

You certainly know your stuff about the White Tower, Bill....

exactly the same design, only bigger staircase.

March 28, 2008 4:22 PM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

I guess you're an even better mind-reader than I thought! :-)

(Even I didn't know it was going to happen until I did it!)

March 29, 2008 9:55 AM  
Blogger Malicious Intent said...

I think that post made me slightly ill. Where are the antacids?

March 30, 2008 5:47 PM  
Blogger Leigh Russell said...

Always up for a rant! By the way, I'm back on the blog...
Keep in touch, blogbuddy & sorry about the email problem. Gremlins playing up again, I fear.

March 30, 2008 6:25 PM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Now, now, MI, Julie's just having us on with a bit of her British satire. Be glad it's just a joke, or there wouldn't be enough antacids in the Western Hemisphere to meet the demand! :-)

March 31, 2008 9:55 AM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Hi, Leigh!

Glad it's only gremlins, and not a virus (which was my first thought).

Switching over to your renascent blog - yay!!

March 31, 2008 9:57 AM  
Blogger Bruno LoGreco said...

Very interesting. New to blogging so absorbing a lot. right now.. Thanks for the insight.

April 05, 2008 9:15 AM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Hi, Bruno!

Just so you know, AutoBlogger is a figment of Julie's rich imagination, not a real "service". She got tired of reading her junk email one day, and created this spoof on the kind of ridiculous ads and claims that bounce around in cyberspace.

Still...who's to know whether someone, someday, somewhere, may actually try to make her joke into reality...I hope Julie has taken out a patent on her idea to protect her intellectual property rights. :-)

April 05, 2008 10:20 AM  
Blogger Bruno LoGreco said...

Good job on describing the product. It was pretty detailed and it did fool me. Now that I've reread it, it makes sense.

:)

Bruno

April 05, 2008 10:24 AM  
Blogger Julie at Virtual Nexus said...

I would be surprised if there isn't already the technology to do this, Bill.

I'll have to ease up on brit satire - the Apr 1 spoof on the carnivorous blog plant caused mild confusion!

April 06, 2008 1:58 PM  
Blogger Bruno LoGreco said...

Just a bit for us newbies

April 07, 2008 10:50 AM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Don't you dare ease up, Julie! Your sense of humo[u]r is a rare gift indeed, and you are meant to exercise it. Maybe that's another job you can get with Aunty! :-)

We interrupt the news tonight with a breaking story: Julie at Virtual Voyage has been unanimously elected by the Monty Python cast members to fill the new position of BBC's Executive Director of All Things Humorous. When reached for comment, Julie was hard at work feeding her carnivorous blog plants, which she recently donated to the Royal Botanical Gardens. "Care to give a hand?" she asked our reporter, who promptly agreed. Shortly thereafter he was rushed by ambulance to King Edward VII Hospital, where surgeons tried in vain to reattach the hand to his wrist. "I guess he's not very handy at this," said Julie; "but at least he got to meet Prince Philip in the loo."

In other news...

April 07, 2008 11:08 AM  
Blogger Bruno LoGreco said...

I agree - you have a gift and shouldn't let it slip away Julie.

April 07, 2008 11:14 AM  
Blogger Julie at Virtual Nexus said...

Rofl....nice one, Bill;

Definitely finger lickin' good??

April 07, 2008 12:22 PM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Definitely finger lickin' good??

I wouldn't know, Julie - but we can ask the CBP for its opinion. :-)

April 07, 2008 2:34 PM  
Blogger Leigh Russell said...

Auto Blogger... might make more sense than my efforts... Was it announced on 1st April, like the memory stick that can download memories from your brain. Auto Blogger sounds equally useful...

April 08, 2008 3:46 PM  
Blogger Julie at Virtual Nexus said...

It can talk??

Thanks for your comment on mine.
I did work with an art dealer for a while some years back - interesting insight into the gallery side of things; and had a painting in the Mall Galleries (Aviation Artists Exhibition) the year I did an intensive foundation course at the Slade. Haven't painted for some time since though.

April 08, 2008 4:10 PM  
Blogger Leigh Russell said...

I looked through all the comments here and I thought, hang on, this can't be right... I can't see my name. I'm slipping. Then I saw it. Phew! Order is restored to my universe. Thank you for visiting my blog, Bill. I replied to you there.

April 09, 2008 7:42 AM  
Blogger Leigh Russell said...

Where is the gossip, Bill? Surely something untoward must be happening in Greenwich? I've had to resort to listening to Gardeners' Question Time for my entertainment!!!

April 13, 2008 9:43 AM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Hi, Leigh!

You know, it's the oddest thing - I seem to get more hits and comments when I *don't* blog than when I do. (Sound familiar?)

So I'm just sorta sitting around watching my stats go up and marvelling at the ease with which it all happens - "Look, Ma, no hands" as young bike riders [cyclists] are wont to say over here. The merrie islands of Great Britain are aglow on my world map, which shows where the traffic is coming from, as is the continental US and Canada. For a while South America was lighting up, but that's now a thing of the past.

Anyhow, God's in His heaven, all's right with the world, people in Greenwich are still misbehaving, and eventually I will be back at the scribal escritoire with fresh tales and gossip new. Meanwhile, it's so much fun watching the counter turn over at an ever-faster rate, and wondering who the 700-odd visitors so far this year may be, and why the less I write the more people stop by, that I may just continue in this (non-)groove for a while.

Ah, the ever-popular Gardeners' Question Time! Is ergot still a problem? Did the late spring snowstorm play havoc with the already-blossoming cherry trees? (Shades of A. E. Housman!) Any new solutions to the droughte of Merche problem since Chaucer's time? Enquiring minds want to know!

April 13, 2008 1:43 PM  

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