Sunday, April 13, 2008

The Next Survivor Series

My blogbuddy Malicious Intent ("M.I." to her friends) has come up with an absolute howler. I wish I'd written it, but then again, I'm glad I didn't. The price of her hard-earned knowledge and deft irony is simply too high for most men, your scribe included.

Faithful readers of these pages may remember that M.I. was the source of the post, "Why the Town Fathers Won't Allow a Holiday Inn in Greenwich". She didn't actually write that one, but passed it on to the rest of us. This one she did write, and it's a masterpiece! Click on the link to see her original post.

The Next Survivor Series

Married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails manicured and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each man will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name.Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mother!

After you get one laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it.

Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed!


Blogger Sarah Darer Littman said...

OMG! That is freaking hilarious! And SO TRUE!!!!!

Speaking as a single mother whose ex-husband lives 3000 miles away and is now in town for ONE WEEK (with his mother in tow, no less) yet still cannot appear to function with two kids, I found myself laughing perhaps even more than usual, albeit with a slightly bitter twinge.

How are you, anyway?! Long time no see!

April 16, 2008 1:16 PM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Hi, Sarah!

Isn't this a hoot? And true indeed!

Sounds as though C's visit is fraught with incident - what's all this about inability to function? Details!

Yes, it's been far too long, but you know where to find me. My MacBook is sitting in a corner gathering dust until you give me the promised tutorial. :(

Hope you and the WM are having a fun week!

April 16, 2008 2:18 PM  
Blogger gilly said...

thoroughly enjoyed reading your men post so very true..loved the pic of the snowy avenue too.
bye gilly.

April 17, 2008 11:22 AM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Hi, Gilly!

Thanks for stopping by! Look for more pics soon - no snow, though.

April 17, 2008 12:04 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home