The Yellowwich Time Can't Speak English

Today's headline in the local rag, AKA Yellowwich Time, shows us all just how pathetic they really are:

Cops relish in Golder verdict

So there you have it, dear reader: the illiteratest dumbest waste of newsprint on the planet at its shining worst. Why the Hearst Corporation doesn't just fire the cretinous staff and close the rag down is one of the world's great unsolved mysteries.

Update:

Just a quick note to say that the indefatigable editor of Greenwich Roundup has correctly noted that there is no such word as "illiteratest". Your scribe was merely indulging in a small parody of the lack of verbal acuity at the editorial desk of Yellowwich Time.

Until now, your scribe has graciously forborne to poke fun at the numerous misspellings and typos that infest the moth-eaten pages of the local rag. We all make typos, since to err is all too human. But an ungrammatical headline?! That kind of major-league boo-boo should not be allowed to pass unchallenged.

Is is any wonder that many citizens here in Greenwich are already referring to the YT in the past tense? They can obviously read the handwriting on the wall, and know that it is only a matter of time until the Hearst Corporation puts this money-losing, readership-losing bad joke of a "newspaper" out of its misery. Hasten the day, seems to be the general feeling. Your scribe cannot recall ever knowing of any other local paper so universally despised as that from which we suffer here in Greenwich.

In short, the YT is, to coin a phrase, a dead rag walking. Even the jerks who write it probably know this, which is why they are so shamelessly innocent of any attempts at quality control. Well, they brought it upon themselves, and most of them are probably mentally already halfway out the door. That is, assuming there is anyone left there who is still capable of rational thought...not the most likely of possibilities, one would wager.

And thus, dear reader, your scribe looks forward to the day when he will be called upon to write the epitaph of the unlamented daily rag once known as Yellowwich Time. Indeed, it is already written:

The illiteratest dumbest waste of newsprint on the planet