Wednesday, September 03, 2008

"Greenwich is not under marshal law"

The local rag, AKA Yellowwich Time, strikes again. Today's front page carries the blooper that adorns today's blog title. Further proof, if any were needed, that the cretins who write for this doomed "newspaper" are functional illiterates.

And just as most cretins do not come from Crete, so one is unlikely to find Wyatt Earp and his ilk enforcing martial law. That task is reserved for a government's military forces, not some gun-toting marshal or local cop. A marshal may indeed uphold the law, but he ordinarily plays no part in martial law. Different horse, different color - not to mention different spelling. But as always, the yahoos at Yellowwich Time cannot be bothered to deal with such extraneous irrelevancies as facts.

By the way, Wyatt Earp (1848-1929) died in bed at age 80 without his boots on. He never did take any part in upholding martial law, since the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878 expressly forbids military involvement in domestic law enforcement without congressional approval. To your scribe's best knowledge and belief, Congress has not approved martial law here in Greenwich, although with the recent invasion of our Town's ferries and islands by hordes of non-residents who steal our picnic tables by throwing our belongings on the ground and replacing them with their own, there are no doubt many local citizens who might be ready to sign a petition to that effect.

The occasion for the latest display of brazen ignorance by the unlettered staff of Yellowwich Time was a field exercise by the police department's SWAT team. In a coincidence of delicious irony, this activity took place in the now-vacant offices and newsroom of - wait for it - Yellowwich Time itself. What a pity that the cops didn't come up with this idea a year or two earlier, when they could have cleaned out a nest of chronic linguistic lawbreakers and shameless saboteurs of the truth at the same time. Now that would have been a public service of the first magnitude!


Blogger Malicious Intent said...

I keep getting this strange feelng that you are not pleased with the Yellowwich Times??

I could be wrong. I have been before.

September 06, 2008 8:02 AM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

M.I., you are never wrong!

September 06, 2008 9:15 AM  
Blogger Leigh Russell said...

I think the appropriation of picnic tables is reason enough to proclaim martial law. Surprised it hasn't already happened. You could announce the coup as your first scoop in your new paper to challenge the Yellowwich Times. (Is that really its name? No wonder they are confused over spelling.)

September 07, 2008 6:41 AM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Hi, Leigh!

The putative name of the local rag is Greenwich Time (in the singular), but some years ago I told the owner to change the colo[u]r of the masthead from green to yellow to reflect the colo[u]r of the journalism it publishes.

He never spoke to me again, and forbad the editors to ever publish anything by me again. My popular satiric letters, such as the well-received one about the Chamber of Commerce building a golden calf on Greenwich Avenue, promptly fell off the radar, never to reappear.

Thank heavens for the blogoshpere! Who needs newspapers these days, anyhow? :)

September 08, 2008 11:36 AM  
Blogger Leigh Russell said...

Still think you should produce your own newspaper. Colour? purple maybe, to reflect the kind of prose your blog buddies (e.g. moi) would contribute... I'm sure you'd put that yellow green rag out of circulation in a matter of weeks. Serve them right. A well deserved punishment for having no sense of humour. As for declining to publish your scribbling - clearly not content with absence of a sense of humour, they evidently lack any sense of taste as well. What are they doing, producing a paper? They should be on their knees, begging you to contribute. Let's proclaim martial law - no let's have marshal law in Greenwich. We could call it Yellowwich. I'm off to paint a banner. Do you have a trumpet? We need a flourish. What am I talking about? I have absolutely no idea but let's publish it anyway. Hurrah for Yellowwich. Or do I mean Greenwich?

September 10, 2008 2:42 PM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Hi, Leigh!

Purple, huh? Not a bad idea. Will you wear your purple boots when you write your purple prose?

No trumpet, but I could play you a fanfare on the college organ - where my former organ teacher, Gwilym Isaac, used to play. Small world, no?

Next time I hop the Pond, maybe you can wangle me a practice session in the chapel?

September 11, 2008 10:33 AM  
Blogger Malicious Intent said...

It has been really quiet over here for a while. All well in Greenwich Land? All of these headlines and your silent??? Something isn't right.

September 20, 2008 7:02 AM  
Blogger Bill Clark said...

Hi, M.I.!

Busy, busy, busy - haven't had time to blog much of late. Will try to get back in the saddle before too long.

September 21, 2008 2:40 PM  

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